je ne se qua

The way you walk into the room

Walk out of the room

Grabs me

Makes me pay attention

Even though most of the time I avoid eye contact

I avoid smiling

I avoid you

Even though being in the same space

does something to me

Not in some carnal or sexualized way

it's subliminal 

it soothes me

Calms me

Makes me sit up taller

Embrace the power that I sometimes camouflage with doubt/ambiguity/nonchalantness

erase the intensity from my eyes 

Cause most folks say I can be overpowering

To intense

A little too

Much

In any type of interaction

I usually dominate, dismantle, disrupt preconceived notions

Shake understandings of femininity wrapped up in lesbian sensibility

But this time I found myself slightly caught off guard

My foundation while solid has been shook

And the sky don’t look as bright anymore

Delusions don’t work anymore

I don’t want to be responsible, respectable and reserved anymore

But I do

I remain calm steady alert

Maintain my iron maiden demeanor and pursue peace not war

Even when it seems like the peace is slowly leaving me

But I know

I know

I know

I know that kindred spirits often remind you of home

Of belonging

Make you believe

And reflect on nostalgic

The memory of how simple things could be

When pages of the book are in sequence

And on the same shelf

Instead of separated by the passage of time

Or the lack of