Between a Rock and A Hard Place

Somewhere in between my stud and my femme

I found you

now when i say I found you

I don't want you to take this personally and think that you were a product of internalized confusion

that I traded patriarchy for matriarchy

or that I was attempting to stitch together fragments of desire out of my sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares

Torn in between the two (mes)

torn in between the two ideologies

feeling like....walking like

Dressing like....being perceived like

Not fully fitting or wanting to fit into these rubix cubes of gender identities

My ambiguity

At first glance all people can really see is ...what they want to see

Not really understanding that I have moved beyond the labels

and I can't chain myself to their visions of who I am suppose to be

Fitting neatly into this tight box

the 1950s

It's not natural

It's not natural

It can't be natural?

biological

or in bred

like when they call they refer to their girls as "bois", sag they pants, suppress the fact that they bleed each month, and keep their girls Fancy on their minimum wages guarding beasts in cages

see

It's all so very natural and hierarchical

So no one notices.....

that even in business casual, linen and sundress

the swag is ever present

Or when the face is MAC-less

and hidden under the rim of brim

beauty radiates

femininity remains solid

and it it is

aggressive as hell

sexy and smooth

demure and dominant

calm and serene

it is so many things

AND THIS IS THE TRUE MEASURE OF BEING TRANSGRESSIVE

Cause we are so many things

and our ability to camouflage

removes you

removes me

removes us from simply being

stuck in between.