Faithful (Unfinished Thoughts)

I believe my lies are truth

Why won’t you eat what you’re fed?

She said

Not really understanding that sometimes full plates don’t always quench

the famished and depraved

so I hoarded leftovers from what she gave

malnourished supplemented by /others

distant lovers or more like symbolic

internal cravings never fulfilled

stuck in my own Hades

Enslaved

Ignoring fits of rage

Unable to move after all the time I gave

Invested in penny stocks/short changed

And perhaps I’m the one to blame for misreading this situation

Shading myself/expecting to much

Simply satisfied by your being satisfied by my touch

My lying next to you

Feeling so far away from you

Flip to the next page, the next text, the next line

Losing my mind

Reading this book backwards

Hoping the end might change

Forgetting the pain, only remembering laughter

Forgetting how much I detested the rain

Complicated phrases or situations

Occupations that led to confrontations

That led to                 the truth

The truth that she would never acknowledge behind her ambivalence and half empty plates,

No realness, only coded messages of:  “I see the God in you”

I believe my lies are truth

Why won’t you eat what you’re fed?

Cause when I touch myself I think of only you, and when I touch someone else….

No one is faithful

And even plate fulls of food can go to waste

and love has no pride

so I had to confide

and walk like a man and keep the chick shit buried inside

No where to hide or bury these funky emotions

No one to give my utter devotion to

and keep those 3 words to myself

bet’ not tell no one but Gawd

But what if my confessional landed me in hell?

May 2013